Few & Far Between

Well now hello there old friend. It has been a while since I've come to you and talked about what is going on with my life. The key question in my mind always seems to be...where do I begin? Through all these thoughts it becomes quite difficult to pick out one among the mass.

Work. Seems as good a place to start as any. There are times when it really gets me down. The long hours upon hours of sitting there boiling and baking in the heat can drive some people insane. It's easy to see how a lot of people can't make it through. I do feel determined to go through this as long as I can. I want to be able to say I did it for the 2000 hours needed now let me test and get certified. After a few years I want to be able to open my own business and be independent. I'm going to work hard so I can start something good for US.

That turned out to be a nice segue way didn't it? So things between us have been oh so wonderful lately. I can't believe I can be loved this much and love so much in return. Although I'm still not used to being called "handsome", "attractive", "sexy" so much. But oh does it make me so giddy to hear!! Though things haven't always been perfect I've let her know that I'm here for the long haul and I'm not going anywhere any time soon. There is just something there that I have never felt before. For lack of a better word...it's beautiful. Like I stated earlier though there are insecurities and issues that do crop up but we plow into them head first and concentrate on knocking down any walls that could come between us.

In exactly two months I'll be hitting my 26th birthday. I am nowhere near where I wanted to be in life but for the first time, I've actually come to accept it. I should not live upon the notion where I can be the same person that I wanted to be when I made those plans. There have been changes and bumps in the road but now I can look at who I am in relation to where I want to be. No more living up to ideals and best intentions. Time to be me and see where I can go being me.

Back tracking for a moment, I've applied for a second job working as a barback for my favorite local dive bar. I'm hoping to hear back from them in the near future. It's nothing glorious but it's some extra money which I could always use. I've got places to go and bills to be paid! If I don't get it, I may look at going to another bar over in Universal City where I hit it off with the bartender or back to the library for some extra cash. I just need to find a way to get extra money to save since it's tough helping my mom out with her big bills at times. I figure the extra cash should put me at a point where I can move out and be on my own.

An ex asked me to move in with her. It's been almost 7 years since we last talked and she drops this bomb on me. We've been chatting lately and catching up on what's gone down in life but I don't think this is something I'd want to do. It just seems...off. I wouldn't feel comfortable if the tables were turned so I don't think I'm going to put myself in a situation like that.

I know that this is a lot of mindless drivel to most of you but since I don't keep an actual journal...this is all I have. Thank you for bearing with me.